The congestion of
collective common sense can sometimes be smog. We try to circumspect trying to
be careful and sensible in a way losing the crux of life. What sounds so
unfamiliar to me is the way we lead our lives. The mediocreness of people often
leaves you stranded in darkness. There is this line as we understand it. We
often use to doubt ourselves of our capability, reasoning, perception and
learning. We are very cognitive in nature. We do not give up that easily. As we
grow up and old, we concrete our thoughts and perceive them to be true. This perceptual
experience often leads to confrontation with others. Like Albert Einstein
rightly said, there could be war between what was taught and what was believed.
We never dig down to the appropriateness of the matter. We wallow in the belief
thinking what was learnt was right.
The relentless ticking
of time and ages will only make our thoughts old and dry. They are often paradoxical.
During our formative years, we learned what was taught at school. Our parents
often influenced us thinking they make the best decisions. We will know only
when we peer through the mist to make our own road. Perhaps that is never the
case with the vast majority. While the truth reflects, we often subdue them
with great consciousness. I do not see a reason there. A young boy’s mind is
very subtle and vivid. No one could exactly conclude what is sanity to them. The
happiness of the yesteryear was so true and it was apparent to the minds. We
use to see so many changes in ourselves. The meltdowns, tantrums and infantilism
were quite clear in us. We use to jump, laugh and shoot like our little arms touch
the sky. An agile mind was almost impossible for a parent to stop.
School days were fun.
The seed of life takes root like a subtle change in form. We use to rewrite our
lives with our flooded gates of illusions. The jubilation of seeing good scores
on your marks sheet cannot be compromised with today’s disillusioned merit
hikes. I had no idea what it caused. Our lives passed before our eyes so as we
read our minds. The tidiness, orderliness and discipline were more of fear than
passion. What makes us stick to it with pain? I do not know. A bang of the last
bell ring before vacations was the best possible sound you would want to hear. We
had a grotesque image of our teachers who points our weakness. Has anyone
thought how interwoven are the lives of children, families, teachers and school
leaders? The fidelity to our academics was with mere pressure and fear.
Looking back the
years, all of these sounds comical. Our uniforms had to be tidy and we needed
to attend to prayers in time. I hardly recollect praying or intending to
understand as it stands. The intuition was never there. I prayed for time and
with shaken faith, I could only be the last. Our thoughts dissipated unwisely. It
was completely obvious that we started to find the logical reasoning or moral
excuse in whatever we did and teacher failed to win over us. The expectation of
teachers and parents to be highly obedient and docile was a bit too much. I was
associated with a bunch of boisterous students and fellows who form similar
opinion of what this society consists. I spent most of my primary school days
with local fellows playing in the school’s backyard. My biggest challenge came
from preferential treatment given to others for being highly obedient and mild
in nature. Few of us were made perverts. I was never told that Socrates was
accused of perverting young men. Who cares?
I never cared for social and
religious problems. They were not mine. I was not quite docile
and was told my thoughts were obscured by clouds. It necessarily does not mean
I take them for granted. What posed a bigger threat was the action taken in retaliation.
I took deferential regard with greater degree and opposed these mystical swine.
UP and down our lives, we experience, witness and punished in an unjustly manner.
This eventually became a seed of discomfort.
Our thoughts frayed
constantly and were partially disillusioned. What might have taken a long time
would have got over a bit early. You live like a myriad in middle of
conservative society. There will be sound statements without actions, loud
laughter without meaning and vivid actions without destination. Our pre matriculation
days were more memorable. After all, they were my formative years. The
culmination of truth and justice took a celestial turn. Each one of us was
protagonists in ourselves. The embers of those actions still remain. Those
glorified days were far from over. Our week days were quite hectic than
required. Those wrinkled uniforms dirtied with mud and jam mixed with colourful
reaction of our parents were the stories of the bygone era. How could you ever
write a book on blissful moments spend on the ground grabbing your friend up
and down the hill? The mathematical assumptions of today seem quite complex.
The numbers amalgamated with amusing forecasts seems comical yet demanding. Down
the road was a playground where we spend the two-thirds of our vacation. There
were times when our parents visited the ground to drag us home.
It was hard to
imagine someone could have a girlfriend those days and vice versa. The
intuition to stay clean was expected out of us. I do not conclude or assume
stay turkey is clean. We end up assuming things in our own way. Nevertheless,
it would be a point for pulling teeth. Science exhibitions, physical exercise,
carpentry and gymnasium looked quite boring at one time. Some of them have
become a part of corporate ergonomics today. We loved living on tree unnoticed.
The tyranny of our intention was to be dared and be dared. It was hard for our
teachers to stay mentally and physically fit to overcome our naughtiness. We
were equally challenged to keep them at bay. Something we were profound of.
We passed and moved
to the next class waiting for the next set of uniform, book, wrappers and
labels to arrive. Eventually, the information on the book of the teacher would
pass to the book of the student without passing the minds of either. It was our
last year in primary school and we know that we may not see few of us ever in
our lives. It became true and obvious even to this date. Lives have changed and
so as our conditions.
The high-school in
our town was quite different from primary school. I would assume this to be the
case almost anywhere in our country. We build nests during our formative years
and lean on them at a later stage. The cognition of our yesteryear is what we
remember for our entire life. Life goes on.
After the end of
elementary schooling, we dispersed for good and mostly I did not meet most of
them thereafter. There was no chance I could meet them and we knew those were
the last days we spent together. Few of us enrolled together in the same
high-school and continued to produce another three dreadful years. A lot
changed during this period. In this process, I found new set friends, new
vision, horizon and ambitions. Gone were the days when were shadowed and
dwarfed by our parents and ever-relentless relatives. At one time, I thought
relatives, friends and neighbours are all the same. Nevertheless, my opinion
has not changed much. I somehow feel that every relationship has void in it. It
makes me believe we have an instance for everything. It is part of the fabric
of society and there is nothing much one can do.
In the days where we
were confined to understanding of underlying structure and not ask any
question, there leaves a tinge of curiosity in it. Over and above, you start
thinking of the formation of this society. We cannot help but think of it. Many
things were hard to come by. We never knew what Janis Joplin did to become
famous but we were certain that she was widely known and esteemed. What irks
your mind is when you try to do something you are half certain. Those three
years of high-school taught me quite a lot. I do not know where to start and
end. All we knew was to stand on the pulpit that no one gets. We were quite
astonished by the way we walked ourselves in the mist of confidence.
Each of my friends
came with a different background. Our thoughts frayed constantly without
boundaries. It was quite tough for all of us to keep up to each other’s dreams.
These wayward days prompted us to procrastinate what should have been done that
day. I never knew the seriousness of it until now. My parents, relatives and
neighbours mostly came from mediocre families tied to the deed of self-defense
and trying to be tactfully with others. I just could not think that way. You
tend to find answers to your questions that were never there with your people.
You suddenly start to see the absence in them. Those were the questions they
never dared to ask their parents during their formative years. This becomes grueling and punishing.
They
never believed their children to dare-not ask them or find out their inability.
They become ardent and consoling. This vigorous patronage of the conservatives
got them in trouble with progressives. It becomes evident and hard to explain. Summer
vacations soon started to become completely obvious. What was more effective
during the younger days later started to become redundant. We use to spend most
of our sunlight time in the playground and now, it got changed to spending them
at game parlours.
I do not have a
strong desire to such things. Our position is often portrayed with fabrication.
The truth is far from it. In such cases, I refrain from them. The culminations
of my formative years plus inflated examples seem quite hilarious. There is
typically more than one climax in such comparisons. The childhood often gets
punished for pervert behaviour. People often end up majoring on minor things. I
have seen people growing up in rags ending up fairly in same position. Some of
my friends who were docile in their early days are quite belligerent today. Is
it safe to assume what you learn in your formative years pay dividends for the
rest of your life? I do not know. I sometimes fail to understand what we did
was right or wrong. I never understood the appropriateness anyway.
The most grueling part of my childhood was being subjected to preferential treatment. My younger
days have many such instances to form similar instances. I had various
disagreements with a lot of teachers and I somehow found a reason to disagree
with anything and everything. I was not wrong.
A lot of safe players
in my view were intolerant but never got in the eyes of practical matters. The
matters were vibrant and bullied by those who set the rules. I was an average
student and had no intention to be better than that. I did not heed to such
thoughts. I have not forgotten many of them and just that we do not talk or see
each other. I quite often think this to be a reason for choosing path that is
quite different from others. I disagree with the skepticism with fair amount of
knowledge to how we were brought and subdued as time passed by. One thing to it
is we grew older and another is anomalies that add to your life.
I grew up in the
oldest locality of the town and I guess it did play a vital role to what I am
today. I am not sure if that is for good or for tenacity. The difference in
what I see now and how it used to be three decades ago was quite subtle. I
still see some old faces and the remaining ones are vanished. Those narrow
roads, conservancy paths with a lot of people jiggling around are quite amusing
to see. Adding to that is with inexperience in using public transport. I have
seldom used public transport and I would still say never. I mostly cycled
around the places and it met my requirement of those days. I was compared to
Mona Lisa’s style.
Those peak hours
preparations, hurried packing and rushing to school were quite taxing. I used
to be late anyway. I was asked to pray an additional time compared to others
who were in time. I did not understand the meaning of that prayer and today, I
do see it as my fault. I was one of the notorious students in the school
reputed for being radical and belligerent. I was considered to be the
arithmetic of all the fundamental problems that did not exist or portrayed with
grotesque inflatable. I was honoured in many ways. I sometimes became voice of
the classroom and we used to laugh at teachers failing to answer fundamental
questions. Like
Albert Einstein once said, the inefficiency of students is the
result of information from the teacher’s book passing on to the book of the
student without passing the minds of either. I quite agree to that. I know most
of my contemporaries do not agree to this as they never had voice of their own.
My views and opinions often ended in bitter arguments. My ability to besiege
them and circumvent their cunning stunts was intolerable to our teachers. I was
posed with severe criticism and punishment which did not leave a mark on me. To
me, I was correct and I take pride of it.
The entire system
required a change. I was not the only one to think that way but I could not do
any better. I ended up being frayed. I regret not for once what I did but I
take these as good lessons to life. I am sure most of my teachers would not be
alive to this date and I do not remember them either. My elementary schooling
was far better than higher secondary but there was no shortage for fun. I had
built tumultuous friends all the way and it was pleasure. I built my character
during my primary school and used it during my higher school. My higher school
friends were never the same compared to my primary school. I never really
extracted my potential and I knew what it takes. I just got sailing all the
time and that was it. We moved our residence to the locality I stay now during
the beginning of my higher school. My higher school life provided new
environment, new friends and back at home – new set of friends too. New house
provided new working space with new set of friends. Life was never the same. My
new friends could never match up to my old ones and that never meant any harm
to anyone.
I did find a huge
difference between my primary and higher school. I did not heed to it anyway.
Physical training during this period was ambiguous. Girls always enjoyed
preferential treatment whilst there were few who succumbed to the political
pressure. Something I failed to understand even to this date. I was rebellious
by nature. I never understood the undersized politics. Starting from lecturers,
principal, teachers, peon and students all played politics at their level. I
have been very meaning in absorbing most of this but only for a certainly
period of time.
The noteworthy effort
once can see during their prime is to understand and consume practical matters.
