Despite anything to its contrary, we moved on but with absolute emptiness. Whilst we disliked each other, nevertheless we agreed on most occasions. This is something we were good at. We gathered at all junctures just to show as a part of ensemble and our presence at critical times. The shape or manner in which things come together was meaningless and perhaps directionless.
Not going by literary sense, our friendship was bespoken in many ways. It had more conjunctions therefore necessitating more complex problems.
I somehow felt that he is faking his identity thus intentions to deceive became increasingly clear. Half a decade ago, things were different. We use to drink together, probably to share all the corporate harassments and intense annoyance in which it was all handled. Sometimes, it was a torment, sometimes I could manage. Whilst our friendship gathered solid mass, we started to race together. I felt him to be the only close competitor or I was not exposed to the good ones. What was evident is that he was never fully complete. He had more distractions and worries than anyone I have seen. Neither he got drunk nor did he fall from dizzy height.
We had been out with few friends trying to sort out a common issue. We laughed, got drunk; fell from the chair, moved almost everywhere and physically almost out of what we called earth. He was always there but never there throughput. Couple of other friends felt the same way whilst we whispered with each other of his behaviour. The manner of acting or controlling himself over the course of the party was quite disgusting. There is nothing we could do other than letting him in.
I don't think I can remember every instance that has happened over the past five years but I surely would like to jot down a few that froze my memory. I was always with people whom I called friends who were not the ones whom I actually looked for, thus truncating the whole understanding. This shortening process was painful but hilarious. He moved along singing the same song I sang without understanding the boo of it.
Last two years have been literally funny and odd. He never let his mind loose. Abound by his versatile perpetual sadness; he always looked comical to me. As I continued to fend off my negative ears, it became completely obvious that he is more than a comic. The humorous sketch I had of him started to look grotesque.
He was never serene as he never knew what he wanted. He started whirling in circles trying new things disastrously. He always felt comfortable in a pseudo getup thus occulting his true picture completely. He reamed his heart out trying to prove what he was not. He got terrified by my attitude and my friends around him. He started whining all the time thus showing that the time has come to move on.
He fetched a girl-friend, moved around for a while. He felt the virtual cloud-nine for a moment and wrecked the relationship. He then accepted the established custom confessing his moral defeat. Things started becoming more evident and desperate. Someone built a fussy relationship that proposed his chaos for the later time. He reached the state of extreme confusion and disorder thus unable to maintain his surge. This periodic rise and fall saw the corporate takeover of his family putting him in total mayhem. He lost his people, confidence, trust therefore jolting into further mental mutilation.
Today, he has more worries than good things to speak for. He is now over-cautious of everything, trying to over-do unnecessary things. He is desperately trying to buy peace and solution that is hard to come by. The absence of ideas is making him do things that are probably unnecessary. The storm in which he started all of these is quite a blaze. Finally, he went go cold turkey of his pseudo life, thus showing his real identity.
He knuckled down to his extended family who took over the administration of his house by all potential sense. His nepotistic behaviour should burn the gas quite faster but the total amount of hilariousness is yet to be seen.
I'm terrified of this change and his inability of act. These harrowing times are quite surprising albeit showing signs of improvement. I'm not bothered who won but I would like to see a real man doing real things. To me, he was a good friend I once had and probably continue to watch and cherish what we spent together as a whole.
Those frenzy and crazy times!
Special thanks to "Helsingin Sanomat" and "Save the Baltic".
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